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Always the Attention Seeker…

Ok, When I started this blog I wanted to write it as a care leaver because there is so little written about or by care leavers which ultimately makes us feel very alone and misunderstood especially as we become adults. We lack much of what most people have growing up and becoming adults and all that most care leavers have in the way of support are other care leavers with their own set of fucked up problems or social workers who really have no clue and who most care leavers avoid unless they really mess up!

I was going through the comments on one of my other posts and there was this one comment (on the post about being there not being enough for my friend) that didn’t much grammatical sense but the jist was that I needed to stop whinging about my life and stop being attention seeking on my blog…

now here’s the thing… firstly I’d like to point out that it’s MY blog so I can pretty much write whatever I want, and to be honest I never expected anyone to read it, it’s just my way of speaking aloud, it’s my therapy as it were. Secondly, all care leavers are accused of being attention seekers but to be fair most of us spend the majority of our time trying to blend in and appear ‘normal’ so as not to bring attention to ourselves.

Of course that isn’t to say that I can’t be a bit of an extrovert, but that’s usually a front or with a few glasses of wine and the right crowd. 😉

Anyhow, I don’t write about my life in care to gain attention, I have to write about some of the shit times, not to be attention seeking but because it would be difficult to connect with someone unless you know a little of their story, and believe me I only touch the surface on here.

As for whinging, I think I’m pretty positive about how my life’s turned out, yes I have my negative moments where I find it difficult to move forward and get a little trapped in time and find it hard to escape my memories, but they’re the times when I recoil from life a bit and avoid being around people, but hey you can’t be positive ALL the time!

The things most people work towards; education, work, home, friends, family, life, happiness… are things that are much harder to come by for most care leavers, but with a lot of hard work they are attainable.

I am incredibly proud of what I’ve achieved against the odds.

Care leavers statistics

From now I will only leave positive comments on this blog, I don’t mind a debate but there is no room in my life for negativity so if you have nothing positive to say, please say nothing at all.

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Posted by on September 24, 2013 in Believe, Care Leaver, Life, The Past.

 

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When ‘Being There’ Just Isn’t Enough…

Most of the time I’m positive about my life and the way I grew up. I know to a lot of people who were raised by loving parents my childhood probably seems pretty horrific, and some of it was I guess, but I have this knack of putting the dark stuff to the back of my mind, the bad stuff is there but masked by the good times, and against the odds I have hundreds of thousands of brilliant memories…

I made the best friends during my 15 years in care and none who understand me better than those who I shared the good times with. There’s an unsaid agreement that you don’t ask what your care brothers and sisters are ‘in’ for but at the same time there’s an understanding between you. No-one’s in care because they had fluffy homelives, it doesn’t work like that does it? I thought everyone’s parents were like mine until I was 7 or 8 and I realised that people don’t like to hear about your experiences if they’re not pink and fluffy so I invented a life before care in true Tracy Beaker style and would relay these stories to all my friends outside of the care system! lol

But the teenage years were the hardest, this is when you really realise that your experiences are so totally different to other people’s and guilt about events in your life sets in. You may try to tell a friend at school by easing into it really slowly, giving a tiny snippet of information and then their shock is so obvious you laugh it off as a joke and retract the initial statement you made and get on with it, knowing that you will never be ‘on the same level’ as your friends.

This is when your care siblings become closer than any of your childhood friends, they ‘get you’, they’ve had similar experiences so you’re tolerant of each other’s mood swings and anger outbursts. When you leave care and lose touch it’s the loneliest feeling in the world.

When I left care I was more alone than I’d ever been before and first got the keys to a crappy bedsit at 16/17, well shared house really. I got moved into 2 or 3 bedsits until I settled in the last one. I was the only female and in the room to one side was 3 heroin addicts straight out of Brixton jail and on the other side a 40 year old pimp who scared the shit out of me so badly that when he tried to kill one of the other guys in the house with a hammer and hid the hammer in my room I said nothing and silently agreed to share his bed for the night so when the police turned up I would be his alibi… I once saw him chase his missus with a meat cleaver then beat her to a pulp so I wasn’t going to get on the wrong side of him.  downstairs was a fucked up ex copper and a 65yr old knicker stealing alcoholic so life as a care leaver wasn’t the best but you make the best of a bad situation and get on with it with the help of drugs and boys and alcohol and petty crime until you’re 18 and social services helps get the ultimate prize… your own council flat.

Anyhow, because of the joys of social networking and facebook, I’ve been reunited with a few of my care brothers and sisters and though it’s made me happy, of course it has, the people that I grew up with, fought with, cried with and laughed with were back on the scene… but it has brought with it a new heartache.. the realisation that life could have been different as it has been for so many of my siblings.

To find out that for some suicide was the best option has broken my heart and I’m left thinking ‘why wasn’t I there for you earlier’. For others prostitution was their way to get through life, for a fair few hard drugs, for others alcohol, for many crime and jail and some of these haven’t made it as far as the rest of us… but the ones who my heart aches the most over are the ones who tried so hard to break the cycle and failed… not through any real fault of their own, but because of shitty circumstances the children they love so much have been taken from them and placed in the same system that fucked us all up and made us the way we are.

These are the ones I want to help the most but I feel useless and ‘being there’ for them just isn’t enough to make a difference in their circumstances and it’s an excruciating pain that the friends you once considered your brother or sister are going through that.

There is no happy ending to this post for now, I can only hope that being positive and being here when they need me is enough to get them through the next day, and the day after…

 
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Posted by on September 17, 2013 in Life, The Past.

 

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Being Positive About Being Positive…

Anyone who knows me knows that I love social media, Twitter, WordPress, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Facebook… they’re all on my laptop, my tablet and my iphone and I use them daily… a few times… ok more than a few times. 😉

Of course those of my friends that follow any of my profiles on these, are well aware of my positive attitude to life and most are pretty understanding as they known of my struggles in life and know it’s because of my positive attitude that I’m still here. Many of my ‘siblings’ are not so lucky because of drugs, suicide, murder and that all consuming spiral that goes from abandonment, neglect and abuse to self-loathing, self-harm and self-destruct. Of course you know I’ve been there, sometimes the worst abuse a victim of abuse suffers is ultimately the abuse they cause themselves… drugs, self-harm, suicide attempts, alcohol, men, all those things that can be used negatively when the hatred of oneself takes over and all too often destroys from the inside out. It’s amazing that isn’t it? That the destruction starts from within? On the outside the person looks normal and in control, until the effects start to show on the outside, by then its far too late to be able to do anything to reverse the process.

So it took me many many years to realise that I deserved better than I had got up to that point. I realised that it wasn’t the things that I experienced that shaped me but the way I dealt with them and how I allowed them to affect me.I became so determined not to allow my upbringing destroy me or allow the cycle to continue so I started to take a moment each morning to reflect on what I wanted from the day and I read a positive affirmation to reinforce the knowledge that I was only going to focus on the positive things.

When life started to get more and more positive and I became a happier person, I looked around at my friends and became despondent… I felt so happy and positive about life but those I love were still unhappy and going through their own traumas over and over again and I wanted to do something to help them, so I shared some positivity. I would post a positive affirmation or quote every morning and a humorous one liner every evening. I started to see more positive statuses and tweets from friends who had started to look for the more positive things in their days.

Now this leads me to today, I hadn’t posted so many positive quotes for a while so I made a conscious effort to post one every morning again. Last week 2 people sent me messages having a ‘moan’ about me being ‘overly positive’ and said it’s ‘annoying’. Then someone made a funny comment about it in passing and someone close to me agreed that i came across overly positive and it really hurt my feelings. I can’t get my head around how a person can be viewed as overly positive or too happy? At least I’m not a miserable bastard, when I do have a bad day and have a good old rant, it’s usually warranted but to be accused of being too happy? What do people want from me?!

I’ve decided to have this rant with a f*ck ’em attitude and get back to being positive. I had a negative attitude to life for far too long and I won’t go back there. I believe in the law of attraction and like attracts like. I’m generally a happy person, I know I have a long way to go but I don’t tend to dwell so much on the negative nowadays and I’ve learnt to deal with my past for the most part. If people cant celebrate that accomplishment with me then it’s their problem.

As they say “Don’t let the bastards get you down’…

 
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Posted by on September 17, 2013 in Believe, Faith, Life, The Past., Thoughts

 

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Kids Being Kids…

Before you read this post, I’d like you to read this article

I read that article this morning and I have to be honest, I thought it was a case of a mum receiving a letter and being a little over-sensitive in her reaction, assuming people had complained about her 3 year old daughter but being a mum I get that, you’re lucky to have a safe area outside your home and let your 3 year old play outside in the fresh air with neighbour’s young children. They pick flowers and bark and act like young children discovering the world around them.

I happen to log into facebook and a certain tabloid rag has a twisted version of this story advertising their latest edition on their page talking about ‘kids running amok and ransacking other people’s garden’s’. This has escalated into a huge thread of people slating this woman’s parenting skills and her children. Comments like @she looks like a little monster!’ and ‘a 3 year old out on the streets, 2 words… BAD PARENTS’ and a barrage of people offering ‘useful’ snippets of advice like ‘social services should get involved’ and ‘the mum should get an asbo’ and ‘the mum should tan her daughter’s backside’.
It’s obvious no-one actually read the article properly, or I’ve totally misread it myself because what I got was that little girls were playing and maybe picking flowers and trampled a few plants. There has been some degree of anti-social behaviour in the area so the police decide to issue each house with a warning about how anti-social behaviour won’t be tolerated. This mum felt as there wasn’t a problem in their particular road, that it was aimed at her children and got defensive. Why do tabloid rags have to turn it into ‘Britain’s youngest child threatened with an ASBO’???
Let’s get this into perspective now, they’re not smashing neighbour’s windows or shouting profanities or smoking drugs or stealing cars, they’re picking flowers… that’s what children do.

My children have spent the best part of the last 2 weeks exploring our local woods, discovering plants, (and yes, picking some!) collecting sticks, leaves and basically being children! We’re so lucky to have the woods so close by, there is a children’s playground built into the woodland and a bmx track so children can enjoy the space.
When my older 2 boys were younger, we lived in London and the streets and local parks were their playground. They were good kids and I knew roughly where they’d be if I needed them. I had an ‘open door’ policy, our door was always open to them and their friends for drinks, snacks, lunch, toilet or a safe place to be for a while. They had the odd mischievous moment, #2 came home one day soaked to the skin and ran upstairs sheepishly, 2 minutes later a frail lady knocked and told me she’d just thrown a bucket of water over him and followed him home as he was playing ‘knock down ginger’ at her door and she was poorly. I made him come down to apologise and told him off, apologised to the lady and that was that. I have to admit to having a giggle later on as I remember being 8 and doing the same (without getting caught!) as I’m sure most did. It was naughty but hardly deserving of an asbo. He’s now almost 20 and working at the same engineering job he’s been at since he left school at 16, my eldest has just graduated from University. Neither has a criminal record or an asbo. 🙂

My point is, we’re so quick to judge kids behaviour and adults parenting skills nowadays, they really can’t do right for doing wrong. If the children sit indoors playing games consoles or watching TV- the parents are bad, they play outside and their parents are still wrong because it’s irresponsible or the kids might get an asbo.
Really? Is this where we are now? Have people forgotten what being a child was about? Full of wonder, full of energy, a bit mischievous but today’s discovers, explorers, creators, inventors… are tomorrow’s Lord Sugars, Richard Bransons, Larry Pages, Cesar Pellis and Sir Norman Fosters.

How can it be ok if we imprison our children and stop them from reaching their potentials by holding them back out of fear of being branded ‘bad parents’?

 

 
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Posted by on August 17, 2013 in Family, Kids, Life, News, Parenting

 

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My Reasons.

Ok, in my last post I outed my Pagan beliefs and this has obviously bothered some of my friends so I’d like to explain a little, particularly on behalf of my many, many Pagan and Wiccan friends.

I’d like to start by apologising in advance if anything I say here offends anyone, I can assure you this is certainly not my intention, I’d never wish to hurt someone’s feelings, least of all my friends.

Right, firstly there is obviously still a stigma that goes along with being Pagan/Wiccan.

Firstly I’d like to explain the word witch. The root wit in the word just means wise. The word witcraft was shortened to witch and it just means craft of the wise. You have to remember that the early Christians from Rome who bought Christianity to Europe were so determined in their quest to convert they used propaganda, torture and genocide. The ones who stayed strict to their Pagan beliefs were seen as rebellious and going against ‘God’ and were tortured and killed in barbaric ways. (drowned, burned alive, etc) people in those days saw this as entertainment. Laws were passed against witchcraft and were only repealed in 1951! So dedicated witches who wanted to preserve the religion were forced underground and formed secret ‘covens’.

“Although the word Witch is hated the word Pagan still rings alarm bells in the minds of many Christians or people in the sub-Christian culture. Why? Because Paganism was the enemy within. The church of Rome was determined to stamp it out by any means available and successfully built up an image of evil around Pagans so that even today ordinary people think Pagans and/or Witches sacrifice babies, perform evil spells and so on. The church also masked out or absorbed Pagan celebrations, for example Jesus was not born on the 25th December but was more probably born around April in 7 BCE. This was moved to the 6th January (the Eastern Orthodox church still uses that date). Then at the council of Niceae in 325 the western Christian church persuaded Emperor Constantin to move the celebration of the birth of Jesus to that other celebration of the birth of the sun, in Roman times the festival of Mithras, the God of Light at the winter solstice (which was thought to be 25th December).” (taken from Isle of Avalon, a great Pagan site with a wealth of information)

Witches were (and are) great healers, using the things that nature freely gives to us they were able to cure a great many ailments. This is a craft that is fast being recognised as the way forward. People are starting to use those age old ‘spells’ again!

Before I even realised I was swaying toward Paganism, I have a cupboard full of arnica for bruising/swelling, echinacea and garlic capsules to ward away those colds, lavender to aid sleep, willow bark to ease cold and flu symptoms, ginger root to help with sickness (I have had 5 babies after all!) and way too many more to go through! I would once have been told these were nothing less than witchcraft and if I wanted to feel better then I should just pray!

Anyway, my answer to those questions “But don’t you think being Pagan is a bit far fetched? I mean it is a bit weird isn’t it?”

Firstly no, I don’t think it’s far fetched to believe in a God and Goddess. It takes a male and a female to create life, so why would it seem strange to have a male God and female Goddess who each have different roles but are equally as important as each other? Don’t we want our children to be raised to know that men and women are equal?

It is my belief that Christianity in it’s early form (and even now in some ways) oppressed women. Men were allowed to be educated, women were not, women were forced to marry without having any say, women were not able to be important parts of the church (ie priests) and men were most certainly more ‘important’ than women. It has taken centuries for women to be accepted as equal in our society and in some ways society as a whole still has many prejudices against women.

I don’t think it’s far fetched to revere nature. We cannot live without it, simple. So if I’m thankful for nature, then I’m not being weird, I’m being grateful for something I know we can’t survive without.

I don’t think it’s far fetched to believe in reincarnation. We are made of energy, energy is transferred (scientific fact) so it makes sense to me that when my body is dead, my spiritual energy is transferred.

It’s much more believable than when I was raised a Christian that If I behave, I’ll go to ‘Heaven’ (when the Old Testament… the word of God, doesn’t mention humans going to heaven) and if I’m ‘bad’ I’ll go to hell. Forever…

Sounds like a way of regulating human behaviour to me.
Don’t sin… Love thy neighbour… as long as he’s not gay, having sex before marriage, having sex for enjoyment, using contraception, masturbating, lying, having an affair, wears clothing designed for the opposite sex, is a prostitute or reading Harry Potter!
Ok, I’m taking it to the extreme here, but this is what has been done to the Old and New Testaments in translation.  It’s always interpretated by different people with different views which sends different messages. In translation the word for ‘inn’ has more than one meaning as does the word ‘hate’ (which can mean dislike strongly, or detached) so I always found it difficult to know what the interpretations were.
I found it hard to believe in a God that condemned people to death. Parts of the Old Testament (God’s word) are full of murder, rape, abortion and genocide. Leviticus 20:13, Leviticus 20:9, Leviticus 21:9,Numbers 5:11-21, Numbers 31:17,  1 Kings 20:35-36, 2 Kings 2:23-24, Exodus 31:12-15, Hosea 9:11-16, Isaiah 13:15-18 are a few of the things that I find hard to imagine a God so right and true, would condone.

I think my big problem with Christianity, and my reasons for change, is that there was too much ‘demanding that man should do’  going on and then contradicting itself. The Old Testament was supposed to be God’s word, surely God’s word is final unless He gives it again? But then we are supposed to believe that God… God of the Jews (as Jesus was) takes his kingdom away from the Jews? God says bad people go to hell then (in the New Testament) it’s said that if they repent, they’ll not.

I put it to a Christian friend that if a 15 year old girl walked into her church and declared she was pregnant with God’s son but had never had sex, would they embrace her as the Mother of God’s son, or call social services and claim she was crazy… there was a lot of umming and erring but no definitive answer. Surely if you believe in the story of Jesus, then you’d embrace her? Just my opinion.

I have a problem with the Christian Sabbath being on a Sunday. The bible states that God rested on the seventh day, Saturday, and blessed that day as a day of rest. it is observed in the Ten Commandments so why was it changed to the day that many Pagan’s worship the Sun god?

Christmas is another contradiction. Yule is a Pagan festival, as Easter is a Pagan festival of rebirth.

The bottom line is this, No-one can (or should) dictate to another on what they should believe, nor mock them, calling them weird or far fetched. All religions are based on a belief system that cannot be proved no disproved. They all have the influence of man, who makes mistakes even when passing on a story however true, so things get altered or lost in translation.

I still respect my Christian friends, my Muslim friends, My Sikh friends, my Jewish friends and my athiest friends among others. I respect them and their beliefs, I don’t see them as weird or wrong, just as they are, their beliefs. I respect them as I do those who believe that their child is the most intelligent/best looking in the world. lol

Paganism is NOT bad, as with any religion it is open to abuses (as we’ve seen with the Christian Crusades or the Muslim Extremists for starters)

If you look at the history of Paganism, nature revering religions, most are looked at as being peaceful… the Native Americans, Aborigines, Ancient Greeks, Ancient Romans, Japanese, Indians, etc all have very similar beliefs, but they don’t have the stigma that we seem to have. Paganism is on the increase in Europe, people are looking into it and realising it makes sense to them.

To the friends who have contacted me to tell me they’ve been in the broom closet for years and are afraid to ‘come out’ to friends and family, well I hope that one day you’ll be able to practice your religion with pride. Until then, I’m always here.

 
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Posted by on October 24, 2012 in Believe, Faith, Life, Thoughts

 

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Earth Mother?

I have a simple philosophy on parenting and that is this… I am not my children’s friend, they should have enough friends if I’ve done my job as a parent properly… I am their parent. Their teacher, their chef, their nurse, their confidant, their coach. but in my opinion, while they’re still children I’m certainly not their friend.

I have made many mistakes as a parent, especially with my eldest two sons. I allowed the emotional and messy break-up with their father affect me and I neglected my boy’s needs. I made it difficult for my eldest to confide in me and without realising, I allowed him to feel that it was his fault and because I was wrapped up in how I felt, I became unapproachable in his eyes.

But part of being a parent is being able to recognise when we’ve made mistakes and trying to adapt and be a better parent, I patently didn’t learn that from my own parents!

Children should be nurtured. I use the ‘Earth Mother’ loosely but I had natural births, I breastfed until they self weaned, I BLW, Cloth nappy, co-sleep, and pretty much follow my instinct.

I am a bit of an Earth Mother… I believe in a Mother’s Instinct and Intuition, that feeling you get that tells you if you’re right or wrong. I believe in my instinct and I am in tune with my intuition.

We co-sleep. On hearing this, people are so quick to point out how ‘dangerous’ this practice is but I’d like to bet that most of us have at least had the odd night where we’ve put baby in our bed to get a night’s sleep…

I read an article once on sleeping arrangements of babies. Parents were asked where their babies slept and all answered “In his/her cot/moses basket”… when questioned more indepth, a huge proportion then admitted to having their baby in the parental bed for the majority of the time.

We just admit to doing it full-time for at least the 1st year. I breastfeed so it seems the most natural thing to do so that baby has his/her feeds and goes back to sleep without being disturbed. At around a year old, we’ve put a bed in their room and introduced the joys of having a ‘big boy’s/girl’s room’  and they’ve been really happy with it… then again, although they’ll go down great, by morning they’re very often in our bed again and we’re absolutely fine with that. My attitude is what could be more natural than sleeping in the warmth and security of the people you love the most?

I breastfeed… I believe it’s simply what we’re supposed to do. I have no idea what the ingredients in formula are and to me they sound like a chemistry lesson, so I choose to breastfeed… I don’t try to make others do the same and no-one should feel guilty either way, though I do believe there’s not enough information for those wishing to breastfeed and there’s a lot of misinformation which worries new mums into quitting early, believing they ‘aren’t producing enough milk’. Breastfed babies DO feed every hour or two for the first few weeks and they do often stay on the breast for half an hour or so… that doesn’t mean you don’t have enough milk, nor does it mean you’re not doing it right. At 6, 8 and 12 weeks, babies tend to have a growth spurt and demand to be fed more often… these are often times when mums quit thinking they’re not producing enough to sustain baby’s needs. I have found health visitors to tell mums to ‘top-up’ with formula (which will hinder mother’s milk production!) as baby won’t be gaining the right amount of weight. (you know, the amount the chart in their red health book says they should!)

The Health Visiting Team are an OPTIONAL service that I opted out of, I gained my own support network of like-minded mothers and I feel I am wasting the time of a Health Visitor to be honest, though my last one was fantastic, I just felt that after 5 babies, I kinda knew pretty much all they could tell me.

Weaning… I follow my child. Baby-led Weaning is the only way in this house. I did it all by the book with my eldest and when he was still gagging on lumpy food and spitting out the lumps, I was at my wits end… ‘The books said they MUST be having lumpy food by 10 months!! He was surely going to be eating pureé forever at this rate!’…

With my others, I introduced finger foods when they were ready and baby rice and home pureéd foods occasionally too. We didn’t stick to any particular way or age, just what felt right.

What did piss me off was a Health Visitor telling a friend that she was an unfit mother for introducing baby rice to her 4 month old son when ‘The World Health Organisation’s’ recommendation is to exclusively breastfeed for 6 months and not to introduce solids until at least then… What they failed to inform her is that the WORLD Health Organisation includes 3rd world countries where there isn’t sufficient nutritious food… this is England! When my eldest 2 were babies, we were told that if we DIDN’T introduce solids before 6 months, that we’d be hindering their speech as they need to exercise their jaw muscles!!! And now they’re back to 4 months again!! I prefer weaning when baby shows signs that it’s time… much more reliable!!

Nappies… I like to cloth nappy… Most are shaped like disposables and velcro or popper closed, have gorgeous waterproof ‘pul’ covers and look adorable… not to mention they save hundreds compared to disposables, especially if you use them for subsequent children or swap them around with friends. I don’t buy into the fact that they are more ‘eco-friendly’ as it really does depend on how you wash and dry them, but they certainly are easier on the pocket than disposables. To be honest, once my kiddies are toddling, they often go without nappies in the daytime, you can often tell when they’re about to go and you can get them to a potty and let their skin air.

Don’t even get me started on immunisations!! Firstly they are optional… how many parents actually feel they are optional though? Most parents I know thought they were compulsory! Secondly, when you get drugs from the chemist, you ALWAYS get a leaflet that you HAVE to read before you take the medicine… it lists all the active ingredients, things that could cause adverse effects, what those effects are (even rare ones) etc… when you take your 2 month old baby to get those 1st lot of jabs, do you really know what’s in them or what the adverse reactions could be? Two of my children had serious adverse reactions to immunisations and I am against immunising babies so young. I’ve really done my research on this and I once had a bit of an argument with a ‘medical professional’ about my children’s delayed jabs… they claimed that by not immunising my children, I’m putting their childen at risk! What?! If you are 100% sure that those jabs are effective then how is my child risking your child? Your child is protected surely? The only way my child could possibly be infected is through other non-immunised children, and your children are protected so there should be no problem at all!! I made an informed decision to delay my children’s jabs. I am not entirely happy allowing them at all to be honest, but I’m delaying them at the very least.

We all make choices as parents, I’m not claiming my choices are right for anyone else but my family. I’m not disrespecting anyone else’s choices.

There are women out there who eat their placenta’s… not for me but hey, if they feel that it makes them better mother’s and they certainly aren’t affecting anyone else, then go for it, that’s their prerogative.

We all have our beliefs. I certainly do. I know that a lot of what I’ve done, at least with my eldest is totally against what I believe now, but that’s through learning and experience. Making mistakes and wanting to better them. None of us are perfect parents but I’m sure we all strive to be.

I believe that children thrive best in a secure family with good role models, ideally with their mum and dad. As a couple we should teach our kids by example, how to deal with problems in relationships, how to love, how to work as a team. Whether those parents are together or not, they made that child and should act as business partners, working together to raise a well-adjusted child. No-one says you have to get along but you both have something in common… love for your child and a want to give that child the best upbringing you can possibly give.

A mother should raise her daughter to be a woman with morals, values, self-respect and self-worth. To know herself and be independent. Not to depend on a man for money but to know she can work and be successful and support herself.morals, values, self-respect and self-worth.  To know that a couple balance each other as equals, neither one is more important than the other.

A father should raise his son to be a man with morals, values, self-respect and self-worth. To know himself and to be independent and be domesticated. To respect women and not to depend on a woman to look after him, to know he can take care of himself. morals, values, self-respect and self-worth. To know that a couple balance each other,  they are equal, neither one is more important than the other.

None of us are perfect but we can try to be better, that way maybe our children will be better parents than us…

(core values image from http://www.all-about-motherhood.com/index.html )

 
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Posted by on January 12, 2012 in Believe, Family, Kids, Life, Parenting, Thoughts

 

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God Bless Tariq Jahan.

After my last 2 posts on the London rioting which had spread across major cities in the UK, I was moved to tears tonight by a dignified man clutching a photo of his son who along with 2 other young men, were killed in last night’s rioting. This is a tragic end to 3 young men’s lives and completely needless.

Tariq Jahan’s words are ringing in my ears and they are now all over twitter and Tariq Jahan’s name is trending.

The words that seem to have brought the rioting to a standstill;  “I have lost my son – if you want to lose yours step forward, otherwise calm down and go home. Please. I believe in divine fate and destiny, and it was his destiny and his fate, and now he’s gone” Tariq Jahan

His dignity, wisdom and faith has done more tonight than any politician, police officer, or community leader has done all week. My thoughts and prayers are with the family. May they get peace now.

RIP Haroon Jahad, 21, Shazad Ali, 30 and Abdul Musavir, 31

Michael Seamark says in the Daily Mail;

  • Tariq Jahan Urges people not to seek revenge for his son’s death
  • Desperately tried to perform CPR on his dying son Haroon, 21
  • Brothers Shazad Ali, 30 and Abdul Musavir, 31, were the other fatalities
  • Trio were were knocked down by a car doing 50mph
  • Prime Minister offers his condolences to the victims’ families
  • Racial tensions simmer in Winson Green area of Birmingham

It would have been so easy to demand ‘an eye for an eye’ and risk a race war on the riot-torn streets.

But with immense dignity, Tariq Jahan, whose 21-year-old son was mown down and killed in an apparently racist murder in Birmingham, appealed for calm yesterday.

Haroon Jahan was one of three young Muslims who died after they were thrown into the air ‘like tennis balls’ when they were hit by a car which mounted the pavement at 50mph while they were trying to protect local shops from looters on Tuesday night.

With some Muslims calling for ‘retribution’, 45-year-old Mr Jahan – who desperately tried to revive his dying son – urged people not to seek revenge.

Standing on a wall in front of a crowd he said: ‘I lost my son. Blacks, Asians, whites – we all live in the same community.

‘Why do we have to kill one another? Why are we doing this?

‘Step forward if you want to lose your sons. Otherwise, calm down and go home – please.’

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2024375/BIRMINGHAM-RIOTS-Tariq-Jahan-tells-thugs-killed-son-Haroon-2-friends.html#ixzz1Ufo01iMP

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This was never about race. It was about the youth of today violently vandalising and stealing from their own communities.

Now it’s an excuse to blame everyone else, it’s always someone else’s colour, someone else’s faith, someone else’s culture.

Let’s not keep overshadowing these issues, these deaths. Let us deal with issues as they come and move forward….

And accept that we are all responsible in some small way.

 
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Posted by on August 11, 2011 in Believe, Faith, Family, Life, News, Thoughts

 

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