RSS

Tag Archives: moving forward

Benefits Street.

Okay, so there’s this new series on a certain TV channel called Benefits Street…

The main characters all live in houses on what appears to be a run down street and they all claim benefits and are unemployed.

I’m totally split in my opinion of the show…

One half of me thinks that the production company has hand picked the worst examples just to turn the country against people that claim benefits.

I’m not going to name the characters or go into details but there are people with poor hygiene, bad etiquette and rough speech going to get their payments then shoplifting alcohol from hardworking shop owners and laughing about it, There are people claiming benefits as single people but are in a relationship who have had their benefits stopped but are complaining that it’s not their fault and the benefits agency is in the wrong, the children are grubby looking and eating crap and the house is a tip… 2 adults are at home all day and the house is a bloody tip… They are rough and brash and if you were walking down the road with them, their calls of “oi wanker” to their friends would make you cringe…

Then the other half of me remembers how my life used to be and what sort of friends I had and I remember the feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness and depression and confinement.

I remember the ‘fuck ’em’ attitude I had towards the world.

In my last few year in care, when I was living in a bedsit at 16/17, I was asleep and the guy from the room next to me snuck into my room, I woke up immediately, I was used to being on alert when I was asleep… he had a hammer in his hand, it was wrapped in a blood stained tea towel and he was trying to hide it. I was terrified so I let him hide it and then he realised I was awake. To cut a very long story short, he forced me to sleep in his bed and lie to the police that we’d been there all night, I had felt safe there until that night. So I clung onto other teens in my position. We’d all sleep over each other’s bedsits, we’d shoplift for food and clothes, we’d spend any cash we got on drugs and alcohol. I didn’t care about what drugs they were, who cared? They blotted out the bullshit of life and made me feel like I was living someone else’s life. I really didn’t care less if they’d kill me, life was seriously shit and I couldn’t handle it without drugs, men and a sharp object to harm myself and anyone else who took the piss. We’d fight, we’d steal, we’d commit criminal damage, we really didn’t care.

I used to sit on the tube watching other 16/17 year old’s with their parents with bags of new stuff, laughing and hugging, on their way home to somewhere safe, they could sleep without fear and I’d seriously feel hatred… no-one was there for me so ‘fuck ’em’… they’d get home and probably realise their purse was missing, the money spent on drugs they’d never have to take to blot out the life they’d never have to live… fuck ’em.

When social services had finished with me at 18, they handed me the keys to a flat 10 miles from where I had been living and a bundle of benefits forms, a leaving care grant of about £500 and a community care grant form (that I had no idea about) and that was it…

I was a scared, pregnant 18 year old girl, standing in a cold empty flat with no support and no idea what I had to do next.

I filled in the forms and messed that right up, I managed somehow to scrape some furniture together and of course I met the locals… I stopped the drugs and tried to sort my life out but knew that the local junkies would get you anything you wanted for a much lower price than the shops… all you needed to say was ” I need a new kettle” and half hour later they’d be on the doorstep with a £50 kettle asking for £20. You could easily haggle it down to a tenner and course you never asked where it was from but of course everyone knew.

People were always getting evicted or going into prison so furniture was easy to get hold of cheap or it’d be dumped at the back of the block for the kids to set alight to later for a bit of entertainment.

I had an on-off relationship with my eldest son’s dad and by 19 I was a single teenage mum of 2 little boys… A right gobby bitch, smoking, drinking, swearing, stealing, fighting, looking for trouble at the same time as trying to stay out of it and the local police knew my details on sight. That was life, it was normal, it had been normal for years… it was what people expected from an angry careleaver, it’s what they expected from a teenage mum and most of us knew no other way.

Then something happened to change my life forever. I woke up and saw things differently, I saw what I was and what I could be. I learnt to value myself and to value those around me. I learnt about ambition, education, about love, about accepting and letting go of the past, embracing the present and jumping headfirst and grasping onto the future.

I learnt to love myself and value my own life and in turn value other people. I learnt compassion and empathy and tolerance.

I did parenting courses, I went to college and gained childcare qualifications, I spent my days trying to be a better mum and a better person. I made better choices, I started working and being productive, I found a boyfriend, he joined the army. Our army friends had no idea of our pasts so it was easy to change, no-one could point the finger and say “That was her that did ****”.

I changed because I was lucky… I am still in touch with my friends that weren’t so lucky, and I’d love nothing more than to change their lives, but it’s so so hard… they’re not getting away from ‘Benefits Street’ any time soon.

I’m not that much better off now, I live in social housing, only just above the poverty line and I can barely afford the bills, I’m unable to afford to replace our broken cooker or carpets and we have no real luxuries.

But now we pay our own way, we never break the law or take drugs, we’re a world away from Benefits Street but I’m under no illusion… it only takes a small action, a marriage split, getting laid off… we’ll be back on Benefits Street and I’m well aware of the struggle to survive…

So when I watch Benefits Street, I watch it with open eyes, I see the state of the woman’s house and see she has no support, she has no reason to keep a tidy house, it’s going to look just as bad with the toys away. The guy drinking is trying to blot out the bullshit of a life with nothing, and it is a life with nothing.

I ask those of you who have nice jobs and live in nice houses in nice areas, would you trade lives with those on Benefits Street? I am assuming the answer is a resounding “HELL NO!” So free money and free housing isn’t a great life.
Have any of you tried to live on £70 a week? £15 on gas, £15 on electricity, £5 tv license, leaving £35 to divide between water rates, food, phone top-up, bus fares, clothes, and everything else a person needs to get by. Now you can see there’s no money to make a home look nice, can you see that the house will never look tidy? Tired old carpets and walls?
And hardly enough to fund a drug or alcohol addiction is there?
And before someone even thinks about that issue of all the benefits claimants owning big TVs etc… Ever heard of Bright House? It’s one of those shops that no matter how bad your credit, you can get a nice modern tv, and better still, you can have it and pay just a few pounds a week… But for a few years! You’ll pay 3 times the rrp for the privilege. A bit like those provident loans where you can borrow £400 to get through Xmas or buy a new sofa but you’ll be paying back £700.
The poorer you are, the more you’re exploited.

You have to be so careful when you’re judging another person’s situation… there is a much bigger picture and no-one is truly happy to live on benefits.

Entry level jobs are hard to get…
You can’t walk onto a building site nowadays an pick up a broom and become a labourer… You need a cscs card before you can get on site. And to get a cscs card you need to be literate, pass an exam and have a few quid for the card… £50 will get you the card alone… Out of your £70 weekly benefit.
The big corporate businesses like British Telecom have sold out our job seekers. Instead of those jobs being available to our unemployed, BT and other companies use call centres in countries like India because it’s cheaper than paying British people a living wage.
And we are constantly being told how single mothers are a drain on the system… But our government is happy to help with child care and pay childminders to look after children so they can force single mums back to work, but are unhappy to pay the mums that same amount to take care of their own children for just a few years?! It makes no sense.

But our government and our media will continue to demonise those on benefits… not the 50% that are pensioners… Nor the disabled (though they are beginning to be targeted) but the 4% of claimants that are unemployed. This is like a modern day witch hunt. Only the media is a much more powerful tool for the hunters….

And remember… Child benefit, DLA, state pensions, housing benefit, child tax credits, working tax credit… These are ALL benefits and those who live in glass houses…

Advertisements
 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Always the Attention Seeker…

Ok, When I started this blog I wanted to write it as a care leaver because there is so little written about or by care leavers which ultimately makes us feel very alone and misunderstood especially as we become adults. We lack much of what most people have growing up and becoming adults and all that most care leavers have in the way of support are other care leavers with their own set of fucked up problems or social workers who really have no clue and who most care leavers avoid unless they really mess up!

I was going through the comments on one of my other posts and there was this one comment (on the post about being there not being enough for my friend) that didn’t much grammatical sense but the jist was that I needed to stop whinging about my life and stop being attention seeking on my blog…

now here’s the thing… firstly I’d like to point out that it’s MY blog so I can pretty much write whatever I want, and to be honest I never expected anyone to read it, it’s just my way of speaking aloud, it’s my therapy as it were. Secondly, all care leavers are accused of being attention seekers but to be fair most of us spend the majority of our time trying to blend in and appear ‘normal’ so as not to bring attention to ourselves.

Of course that isn’t to say that I can’t be a bit of an extrovert, but that’s usually a front or with a few glasses of wine and the right crowd. 😉

Anyhow, I don’t write about my life in care to gain attention, I have to write about some of the shit times, not to be attention seeking but because it would be difficult to connect with someone unless you know a little of their story, and believe me I only touch the surface on here.

As for whinging, I think I’m pretty positive about how my life’s turned out, yes I have my negative moments where I find it difficult to move forward and get a little trapped in time and find it hard to escape my memories, but they’re the times when I recoil from life a bit and avoid being around people, but hey you can’t be positive ALL the time!

The things most people work towards; education, work, home, friends, family, life, happiness… are things that are much harder to come by for most care leavers, but with a lot of hard work they are attainable.

I am incredibly proud of what I’ve achieved against the odds.

Care leavers statistics

From now I will only leave positive comments on this blog, I don’t mind a debate but there is no room in my life for negativity so if you have nothing positive to say, please say nothing at all.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on September 24, 2013 in Believe, Care Leaver, Life, The Past.

 

Tags: , , , , ,

When ‘Being There’ Just Isn’t Enough…

Most of the time I’m positive about my life and the way I grew up. I know to a lot of people who were raised by loving parents my childhood probably seems pretty horrific, and some of it was I guess, but I have this knack of putting the dark stuff to the back of my mind, the bad stuff is there but masked by the good times, and against the odds I have hundreds of thousands of brilliant memories…

I made the best friends during my 15 years in care and none who understand me better than those who I shared the good times with. There’s an unsaid agreement that you don’t ask what your care brothers and sisters are ‘in’ for but at the same time there’s an understanding between you. No-one’s in care because they had fluffy homelives, it doesn’t work like that does it? I thought everyone’s parents were like mine until I was 7 or 8 and I realised that people don’t like to hear about your experiences if they’re not pink and fluffy so I invented a life before care in true Tracy Beaker style and would relay these stories to all my friends outside of the care system! lol

But the teenage years were the hardest, this is when you really realise that your experiences are so totally different to other people’s and guilt about events in your life sets in. You may try to tell a friend at school by easing into it really slowly, giving a tiny snippet of information and then their shock is so obvious you laugh it off as a joke and retract the initial statement you made and get on with it, knowing that you will never be ‘on the same level’ as your friends.

This is when your care siblings become closer than any of your childhood friends, they ‘get you’, they’ve had similar experiences so you’re tolerant of each other’s mood swings and anger outbursts. When you leave care and lose touch it’s the loneliest feeling in the world.

When I left care I was more alone than I’d ever been before and first got the keys to a crappy bedsit at 16/17, well shared house really. I got moved into 2 or 3 bedsits until I settled in the last one. I was the only female and in the room to one side was 3 heroin addicts straight out of Brixton jail and on the other side a 40 year old pimp who scared the shit out of me so badly that when he tried to kill one of the other guys in the house with a hammer and hid the hammer in my room I said nothing and silently agreed to share his bed for the night so when the police turned up I would be his alibi… I once saw him chase his missus with a meat cleaver then beat her to a pulp so I wasn’t going to get on the wrong side of him.  downstairs was a fucked up ex copper and a 65yr old knicker stealing alcoholic so life as a care leaver wasn’t the best but you make the best of a bad situation and get on with it with the help of drugs and boys and alcohol and petty crime until you’re 18 and social services helps get the ultimate prize… your own council flat.

Anyhow, because of the joys of social networking and facebook, I’ve been reunited with a few of my care brothers and sisters and though it’s made me happy, of course it has, the people that I grew up with, fought with, cried with and laughed with were back on the scene… but it has brought with it a new heartache.. the realisation that life could have been different as it has been for so many of my siblings.

To find out that for some suicide was the best option has broken my heart and I’m left thinking ‘why wasn’t I there for you earlier’. For others prostitution was their way to get through life, for a fair few hard drugs, for others alcohol, for many crime and jail and some of these haven’t made it as far as the rest of us… but the ones who my heart aches the most over are the ones who tried so hard to break the cycle and failed… not through any real fault of their own, but because of shitty circumstances the children they love so much have been taken from them and placed in the same system that fucked us all up and made us the way we are.

These are the ones I want to help the most but I feel useless and ‘being there’ for them just isn’t enough to make a difference in their circumstances and it’s an excruciating pain that the friends you once considered your brother or sister are going through that.

There is no happy ending to this post for now, I can only hope that being positive and being here when they need me is enough to get them through the next day, and the day after…

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on September 17, 2013 in Life, The Past.

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Being Positive About Being Positive…

Anyone who knows me knows that I love social media, Twitter, WordPress, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Facebook… they’re all on my laptop, my tablet and my iphone and I use them daily… a few times… ok more than a few times. 😉

Of course those of my friends that follow any of my profiles on these, are well aware of my positive attitude to life and most are pretty understanding as they known of my struggles in life and know it’s because of my positive attitude that I’m still here. Many of my ‘siblings’ are not so lucky because of drugs, suicide, murder and that all consuming spiral that goes from abandonment, neglect and abuse to self-loathing, self-harm and self-destruct. Of course you know I’ve been there, sometimes the worst abuse a victim of abuse suffers is ultimately the abuse they cause themselves… drugs, self-harm, suicide attempts, alcohol, men, all those things that can be used negatively when the hatred of oneself takes over and all too often destroys from the inside out. It’s amazing that isn’t it? That the destruction starts from within? On the outside the person looks normal and in control, until the effects start to show on the outside, by then its far too late to be able to do anything to reverse the process.

So it took me many many years to realise that I deserved better than I had got up to that point. I realised that it wasn’t the things that I experienced that shaped me but the way I dealt with them and how I allowed them to affect me.I became so determined not to allow my upbringing destroy me or allow the cycle to continue so I started to take a moment each morning to reflect on what I wanted from the day and I read a positive affirmation to reinforce the knowledge that I was only going to focus on the positive things.

When life started to get more and more positive and I became a happier person, I looked around at my friends and became despondent… I felt so happy and positive about life but those I love were still unhappy and going through their own traumas over and over again and I wanted to do something to help them, so I shared some positivity. I would post a positive affirmation or quote every morning and a humorous one liner every evening. I started to see more positive statuses and tweets from friends who had started to look for the more positive things in their days.

Now this leads me to today, I hadn’t posted so many positive quotes for a while so I made a conscious effort to post one every morning again. Last week 2 people sent me messages having a ‘moan’ about me being ‘overly positive’ and said it’s ‘annoying’. Then someone made a funny comment about it in passing and someone close to me agreed that i came across overly positive and it really hurt my feelings. I can’t get my head around how a person can be viewed as overly positive or too happy? At least I’m not a miserable bastard, when I do have a bad day and have a good old rant, it’s usually warranted but to be accused of being too happy? What do people want from me?!

I’ve decided to have this rant with a f*ck ’em attitude and get back to being positive. I had a negative attitude to life for far too long and I won’t go back there. I believe in the law of attraction and like attracts like. I’m generally a happy person, I know I have a long way to go but I don’t tend to dwell so much on the negative nowadays and I’ve learnt to deal with my past for the most part. If people cant celebrate that accomplishment with me then it’s their problem.

As they say “Don’t let the bastards get you down’…

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on September 17, 2013 in Believe, Faith, Life, The Past., Thoughts

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Things Will Always Get Better!

Well I’ve been neglecting my blogs lately, I’ve always been a bit of a procrastinator! But here I am, better late than never and a bit more positive than last time!
The husband has gotten a new job which pays slightly better. It’s only a stopgap because he is in the running for another job which pays exceptionally more than both and offers more in the way of promotion. So finger’s crossed on that one, we may just get out of the financial shit creek we’re in!

Anyhow, thinking positively, my crafting is going well, especially the crochet blankets and rice charms, it’s so rewarding when people appreciate something you spend so much time and effort creating.

The school holidays are going well, we’ve had some great days out.  A group of us had a picnic in the park for a friends birthday, the kids played happily and the princess juice was flowing for us mums, it was one of those carefree days where everyone’s happy.
Then we had the pirate adventure in the woods… 7 adults and 11 kiddies = another great day out.
We’ve had a few days in the park that became more hours than planned but I love it when you don’t have to check the time and you’re engrossed in good conversations with friends.

My cousin is coming out of care this month and as I write to her, I’m hoping for a meeting at some point. Some details in her files sit badly with me as I know she was blamed for things she didn’t do and I want her to know the truth, there is no reason for a child to be blamed for another child’s injury when it was one of the parents, it is disgraceful. I can’t wait to see how she’s grown and how she’s doing. I can’t wait to tell her what a precious little girl she was and how we love her and truly missed her. How we have a photo of her in our living room right next to her cousins. I want her to know we never forgot her. And most of all, I don’t want her to feel like I did when I was her age…

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

A Sunshine Award to start off the Summer!

When I started this blog, it was for a few reasons… Firstly, I guess it was just because I like to write, it’s something I enjoy doing almost as much as I like reading.  It’s also a form of therapy for me… I write about things and those things become clearer in my mind.

The thing is, for some reason, it hadn’t occurred to me that people might actually read it! So imagine my surprise when I checked my emails today to find a Sunshine Award from fellow blogger justbetweencousins!

I’d like to say a big Thank You (!) for nominating me for the Sunshine Award and for actually taking the time to read my thoughts on here, it’s much appreciated!

Now, in accordance with the Sunshine Award Rules, I agree to;

  • Include the Sunshine Award image. (check)
  • Thank the person who gave you the award. (check)
  • Answer 10 questions about yourself. (Apparently, the giver can make up new ones. It could get interesting!) (check)
  • Pass the award on to 10 Sunshine-worthy bloggers (Only 10?!) (check)
The Questions…

Love or Money? Love (can I have some money thrown in?… no?… okay just love!)

Favorite Book? I love childhood memoirs, my favourite being Ugly by Constance Briscoe.

Who is the Television Character you simply adore? Waynetta Slob… Kathy Burke is truly a comedy genius! (Though I do love Nan Taylor too, Catherine Tate is too funny!)

Favorite Music? I love strong women that say it how it is. Pink, Linda Perry, Eva Cassidy, Jessie J and Amy Winehouse to name a few.

Favorite type of movie? I like comedies best, thrillers are great but NOT horrors!!

Facebook or Twitter? ooohh, I can’t decide, I love both… facebook just edges it… for now!

Favorite number? 13. I was born on the 13th so consider it my lucky number!

Favourite Animal? Horses, I love them just because they are so beautiful.

Giving or receiving? Totally giving, I just wish I could afford to give some more!

Favorite flower? Poppy… that’s why I named my daughter Poppy!

And last but certainly not least, here is my list of Sunshine Award bloggers in absolutely no particular order…

One Fierce Mama I love Mummy blogs, they give us mums a way of expressing ourselves and proves there is a lot more to us than ‘nappies and baby sick’! I especially like the ones that keep it real!

Journey to my Heart… a day to day discovery we’re around the same age and have so many things in common, yet are so different. It’s refreshing and interesting to read about someone that you feel even the smallest connection to.

Heaven 4 Earth I love reading things that make me think… truly think on a really deep level. This is a blog that makes me think.

A Three Day Hat Another Mummy (or Mommy!) blog that ‘tells it how it is’!

Grenglish I went to school with Sarah and though we weren’t in the same circle of friends, the power of Facebook put me in touch with her blog… brilliantly written and touches on subjects everyone can relate to.

Cathy’s Voice Now I love her honesty and her fearlessness when it comes to her sharing her voice.

Texas Gaga because repurposing and upcycling is a dying art… but the only way we’ll save our planet…

Precious Paper A new blog but proof that upcycling is beautiful!

Missy B & Family She is ME!  But she makes it much more interesting!

Pearlyqueennotebook reworking beautiful things… I need say no more than that!

These Bloggers old and new have caught my interest, inspired me, or made me look at my own life differently. I think that’s an amazing talent to possess and should be recognised.

Enjoy your Sunshine Award nominations and pass it on.

 
 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Earth Mother?

I have a simple philosophy on parenting and that is this… I am not my children’s friend, they should have enough friends if I’ve done my job as a parent properly… I am their parent. Their teacher, their chef, their nurse, their confidant, their coach. but in my opinion, while they’re still children I’m certainly not their friend.

I have made many mistakes as a parent, especially with my eldest two sons. I allowed the emotional and messy break-up with their father affect me and I neglected my boy’s needs. I made it difficult for my eldest to confide in me and without realising, I allowed him to feel that it was his fault and because I was wrapped up in how I felt, I became unapproachable in his eyes.

But part of being a parent is being able to recognise when we’ve made mistakes and trying to adapt and be a better parent, I patently didn’t learn that from my own parents!

Children should be nurtured. I use the ‘Earth Mother’ loosely but I had natural births, I breastfed until they self weaned, I BLW, Cloth nappy, co-sleep, and pretty much follow my instinct.

I am a bit of an Earth Mother… I believe in a Mother’s Instinct and Intuition, that feeling you get that tells you if you’re right or wrong. I believe in my instinct and I am in tune with my intuition.

We co-sleep. On hearing this, people are so quick to point out how ‘dangerous’ this practice is but I’d like to bet that most of us have at least had the odd night where we’ve put baby in our bed to get a night’s sleep…

I read an article once on sleeping arrangements of babies. Parents were asked where their babies slept and all answered “In his/her cot/moses basket”… when questioned more indepth, a huge proportion then admitted to having their baby in the parental bed for the majority of the time.

We just admit to doing it full-time for at least the 1st year. I breastfeed so it seems the most natural thing to do so that baby has his/her feeds and goes back to sleep without being disturbed. At around a year old, we’ve put a bed in their room and introduced the joys of having a ‘big boy’s/girl’s room’  and they’ve been really happy with it… then again, although they’ll go down great, by morning they’re very often in our bed again and we’re absolutely fine with that. My attitude is what could be more natural than sleeping in the warmth and security of the people you love the most?

I breastfeed… I believe it’s simply what we’re supposed to do. I have no idea what the ingredients in formula are and to me they sound like a chemistry lesson, so I choose to breastfeed… I don’t try to make others do the same and no-one should feel guilty either way, though I do believe there’s not enough information for those wishing to breastfeed and there’s a lot of misinformation which worries new mums into quitting early, believing they ‘aren’t producing enough milk’. Breastfed babies DO feed every hour or two for the first few weeks and they do often stay on the breast for half an hour or so… that doesn’t mean you don’t have enough milk, nor does it mean you’re not doing it right. At 6, 8 and 12 weeks, babies tend to have a growth spurt and demand to be fed more often… these are often times when mums quit thinking they’re not producing enough to sustain baby’s needs. I have found health visitors to tell mums to ‘top-up’ with formula (which will hinder mother’s milk production!) as baby won’t be gaining the right amount of weight. (you know, the amount the chart in their red health book says they should!)

The Health Visiting Team are an OPTIONAL service that I opted out of, I gained my own support network of like-minded mothers and I feel I am wasting the time of a Health Visitor to be honest, though my last one was fantastic, I just felt that after 5 babies, I kinda knew pretty much all they could tell me.

Weaning… I follow my child. Baby-led Weaning is the only way in this house. I did it all by the book with my eldest and when he was still gagging on lumpy food and spitting out the lumps, I was at my wits end… ‘The books said they MUST be having lumpy food by 10 months!! He was surely going to be eating pureé forever at this rate!’…

With my others, I introduced finger foods when they were ready and baby rice and home pureéd foods occasionally too. We didn’t stick to any particular way or age, just what felt right.

What did piss me off was a Health Visitor telling a friend that she was an unfit mother for introducing baby rice to her 4 month old son when ‘The World Health Organisation’s’ recommendation is to exclusively breastfeed for 6 months and not to introduce solids until at least then… What they failed to inform her is that the WORLD Health Organisation includes 3rd world countries where there isn’t sufficient nutritious food… this is England! When my eldest 2 were babies, we were told that if we DIDN’T introduce solids before 6 months, that we’d be hindering their speech as they need to exercise their jaw muscles!!! And now they’re back to 4 months again!! I prefer weaning when baby shows signs that it’s time… much more reliable!!

Nappies… I like to cloth nappy… Most are shaped like disposables and velcro or popper closed, have gorgeous waterproof ‘pul’ covers and look adorable… not to mention they save hundreds compared to disposables, especially if you use them for subsequent children or swap them around with friends. I don’t buy into the fact that they are more ‘eco-friendly’ as it really does depend on how you wash and dry them, but they certainly are easier on the pocket than disposables. To be honest, once my kiddies are toddling, they often go without nappies in the daytime, you can often tell when they’re about to go and you can get them to a potty and let their skin air.

Don’t even get me started on immunisations!! Firstly they are optional… how many parents actually feel they are optional though? Most parents I know thought they were compulsory! Secondly, when you get drugs from the chemist, you ALWAYS get a leaflet that you HAVE to read before you take the medicine… it lists all the active ingredients, things that could cause adverse effects, what those effects are (even rare ones) etc… when you take your 2 month old baby to get those 1st lot of jabs, do you really know what’s in them or what the adverse reactions could be? Two of my children had serious adverse reactions to immunisations and I am against immunising babies so young. I’ve really done my research on this and I once had a bit of an argument with a ‘medical professional’ about my children’s delayed jabs… they claimed that by not immunising my children, I’m putting their childen at risk! What?! If you are 100% sure that those jabs are effective then how is my child risking your child? Your child is protected surely? The only way my child could possibly be infected is through other non-immunised children, and your children are protected so there should be no problem at all!! I made an informed decision to delay my children’s jabs. I am not entirely happy allowing them at all to be honest, but I’m delaying them at the very least.

We all make choices as parents, I’m not claiming my choices are right for anyone else but my family. I’m not disrespecting anyone else’s choices.

There are women out there who eat their placenta’s… not for me but hey, if they feel that it makes them better mother’s and they certainly aren’t affecting anyone else, then go for it, that’s their prerogative.

We all have our beliefs. I certainly do. I know that a lot of what I’ve done, at least with my eldest is totally against what I believe now, but that’s through learning and experience. Making mistakes and wanting to better them. None of us are perfect parents but I’m sure we all strive to be.

I believe that children thrive best in a secure family with good role models, ideally with their mum and dad. As a couple we should teach our kids by example, how to deal with problems in relationships, how to love, how to work as a team. Whether those parents are together or not, they made that child and should act as business partners, working together to raise a well-adjusted child. No-one says you have to get along but you both have something in common… love for your child and a want to give that child the best upbringing you can possibly give.

A mother should raise her daughter to be a woman with morals, values, self-respect and self-worth. To know herself and be independent. Not to depend on a man for money but to know she can work and be successful and support herself.morals, values, self-respect and self-worth.  To know that a couple balance each other as equals, neither one is more important than the other.

A father should raise his son to be a man with morals, values, self-respect and self-worth. To know himself and to be independent and be domesticated. To respect women and not to depend on a woman to look after him, to know he can take care of himself. morals, values, self-respect and self-worth. To know that a couple balance each other,  they are equal, neither one is more important than the other.

None of us are perfect but we can try to be better, that way maybe our children will be better parents than us…

(core values image from http://www.all-about-motherhood.com/index.html )

 
1 Comment

Posted by on January 12, 2012 in Believe, Family, Kids, Life, Parenting, Thoughts

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

 
%d bloggers like this: