My husband and I separated early last year and though our marriage was over, he has been a huge part of my eldest 2 sons lives and we have had 3 children together. We made the decision to do what not too many separated parents do and always put the needs of our children first. This means we don’t argue over the raising of our children, we once loved each other enough to bring children into our world, we chose each other as parents for our children because we have the same values so the least we can do now is stay on the same page and raise them with those same values we had when we decided to have them.
It’s been a difficult year for both of us since splitting, he’s now settled and has built a new home and we decided that as I’m going to be moving away from here (only about an hour away) that my 22 year old son (his stepson) and our 16 year old will be living with him as the 22 year old has been working at his job since he left school at 16 and has built a good base in this town, and our 16 year old has built a stable happy life here and doesn’t want to move away, he was given the choice and chose to live with his dad, they have a super strong bond that I’m happy to see grow ever stronger though I miss them both already.
I have the youngest 2 who are 8 and 6 living with me.
I have already had a few people accuse me of almost abandoning my older sons but as someone who was abandoned by my own mother at 2, I am well aware of what abandonment means and the damage it can do. I also know that taking a teenager away from the parent that he has the stronger bond with will undoubtedly end up causing resentment and rebellion. I haven’t abandoned my children, they are old enough to choose where they want to be and my (ex) husband is an amazing father. I chose to include him in my eldest 2 son’s lives when I was a single parent and I chose to have 3 children with him, of course he is an amazing dad so my children are all with the parents that can offer the best for them at this moment in time.
I have no idea why people think that the mother is the only parent that can successfully raise children, our decision was well thought through, it was mutually beneficial to us and to the children and they are all very happy and though I dare say our split has affected them, it isn’t nearly as bad as I have seen some children affected. My older sons visit me often and our younger ones go to their dads 3 times a week. He is invited to school events and meetings, we are able to sit in each others houses and chat about the kids over a coffee and we recently attended a special presentation together to see our 8 year old awarded his bronze scout award and we took him out to eat afterwards. Our children know that Mummy and Daddy are still both there for them as we always have been, only now much happier, I just wish that all children could be raised this way and not put in the middle of their parents battles.