Life hasn’t been great lately.
I can’t even explain why, it has to be brushed under the carpet as it always does while I suffer in silence, feeling guilty about the step forward I want to make, need to make because I know how devastated my kids will be.
I cry myself to sleep most nights, and nights have never been easy for me but my tears are silent and my heartache unnoticed.
The police are always so sympathetic and understanding and I always apologise profusely for the situation I feel like I’ve put them in. What the hell am I doing? Why do I tolerate this shit? This isn’t love! I cant even remember what love feels like anymore. Pain, that’s what I’m feeling, and hopeless, and weak…
I am listening to people’s sympathy but it’s all aimed in the wrong direction and I have to nod and agree with them, knowing the truth and all the while lying to people who are being so nice and acting so concerned and I feel afraid that they’ll see through the lies and realise the truth and pity me or worse.
So I cry myself to sleep again, but tonight I’m alone and unafraid…
I’m done, there is no love left, the respect has gone, I want to stay alone… I can do this.